Happiness is

Happiness is. Scratch that. Too ambitious. A happy day is:

1. Little things that don’t make you want to grumble.
2. Out of reach things that move in a little closer.
3. The tingling warmth of filtered sun playing peekaboo with the clouds.
4. As in a dream sequence, the unannounced thought bubble of a friend which causes you to send a silent virtual squeeze.
5. Insisting your body GO and then testifying to it going further than it wants.
6. The disarming appreciation of what was supposed to be a semi-random act of kindness.
7. The likeness of someone you once knew in the face of a stranger.
8. When direction doesn’t come in stereo, but becomes audible as the faint sound of bass when your ear presses down into the pillow.
9. The delight of a freshly sharpened pencil and a well-worn Moleskine.
10. The conviction, even if more fleeting than you want, that everything has the potential to cut both ways.

A Middle School Phone Contract

My middle schooler got a phone this week.  Actually my old phone with a new SIM card and his own number.  I really don’t know if it’s a good idea, but as any parent knows – the pressure is enormous (imagine the horror of being “the last one of his friends without a phone…”) and well, there is some merit (“I didn’t know you were waiting …) in equipping them with communication tools as they become more independent.  It’s also the age where being explicit helps, so I drafted a contract my middle schooler and I agreed to and signed.  I feel better.  I don’t know how he feels, but I do know he got the message.  And in this case, that’s good enough.

1. This phone is a responsibility that you have earned.  It is your responsibility to care for this phone, keep it charged and use it responsibly with things you send and look at.   You should never let someone else use your phone without your permission as anything that happens on this phone is your responsibility.
2. This phone is also a privilege.  Your parents have the right to take it away at any time as a consequence.
3. When you are away from home, it is your responsibility to keep the phone accessible so we may reach you.
4. This phone has unlimited text and data in Luxembourg. If you are traveling outside of Lux, it is your responsibility to turn off cellular data and only use data on wifi. You may do limited texting and calling when outside Luxembourg.  
5. You may only download apps after getting permission from your parents. 
6. This phone is the property of your parents until such time as you are able to pay your own monthly bill. 
7. Your parents may check your phone activity at any time.   Your passcode of xxxx should never change.  We expect that you treat people with the same kindness and respect on social media as you would in person.
8. If this phone is lost or stolen, it is your responsibility to purchase a replacement phone.

List Making

I haven't been blogging this past week, but I have been making lists. 

The "Seriously No Longer Necessary" List:

1. Announcement that this is a non-smoking flight. That new law happened in 1998, the year Bill Clinton did not have relations with that woman. Please let's stop talking about it.

2. All 82 NBA games preceding the playoffs.

3. Proxy statements mailed to my home. This shareholder votes no more paper without pictures!

4. Pegged pants, nude pantyhose, urban fannypacks. Epically wrong in every decade attempted.

5. Saying "Let's agree to disagree" when what’s really being said is "I'm going to keep talking until it starts raining inside or I find your TV remote and confiscate it."

6. Juice pouches, SAT tests, front loading washing machines and other very badly designed things that are guaranteed to leak, frustrate or lock in smells.

7. Spam protection in the form of those boxes of letters and numbers that are completely unreadable to anyone who is not a computer.

8. Those coupons at the end of the grocery receipt which don't stand a chance of making it to the Proxy pile for much, much later recycling.

9. Deodorant without antiperspirant. I’ve been around the European block long enough to know it's a two pitted problem.

10. Notifications without solutions. If traffic disruptions have been noted, YES reroute me. If my personal data has been compromised, fix it. If someone has listened to a song on Spotify - unless you have video of them belting it out on hidden camera - shut it.

11. Conversation in the dentist chair and during a pap smear.

12. Aspartame, Acesulfame Potassium, Rebiana aka Stevia aka Truvia and other hardtopronounce things trying to be somebody's sugar. For the love of donuts, keep it real.

13. Selfie tripods … please, please before they become any more of a thing.

"Things Worth Waiting For" List:

1. Teleporting (obviously), pollenless trees, a half way decent cell phone battery, a happy Bon Iver song.

2. A worldwide “Sriracha to Every Table” food movement.

3. A future US President that is neither a Bush or Clinton.

4. Eye contact with the driver before you step into the crosswalk. Safety 1rst friends.

5. A Lip-Sync Battle between Jimmy Fallon, Justin Timberlake, and Emma Stone at your birthday party where you then take the stage and kill it (while televised) followed by water turning into wine for 5,000 of your closest friends.

6. An Intelligent Scale that knows how to subtract for clothes, water weight, and that second handful of peanut M&Ms.

7. Elf 2, LA Confidential 2, Gladiator 2 (for my Mother), Unbroken the movie, any new film featuring Matthew McConaughey with his shirt off, a GIVE BACK of all the cumulative human hours wasted on the bad Adam Sandler films.

8. The lottery to pay for your kid’s college tuition. A Bush or Clinton to pay for your second kid’s college tuition.

9. The unfolding drama in Rio. How exactly will they pull off the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Olympics? Stay tuned – We Will Be Right Back After We Bend Putin’s Ear.

10. Your wife or girlfriend to hit her mid-30s—when her libido catches up with, and probably outburns, your own. (I know ??? This entry courtesy of an “25 Things It's Worth Waiting For” article in Men’s Health. Click away if you must.)

11. Richard Sherman’s 2015 post game interview when the Seattle Seahawks repeat as Superbowl Champions !! (a totally appropriate use of double exclamation points)

12. Kumbaya my Cable Company, kumbaya. Kumbaya this-woman-who-wants-to-know-if-I’m-interested-in-a-new-business-from-home, kumbaya. Kumbaya All You Airlines, kumbaya. Oh Still-Waiting-For, kumbaya.

13. The spontaneous destruction of selfie tripods. Kumbaya.