You're all I need
You're all I need
You're all I need to get by.
It had been a long time since I’d heard Marvin Gaye. But there I was this past Saturday night having a late dinner in front of a video screen looping through the Best Soul Music of the 70s: Marvin Gaye, Barry White, The Temptations with some 80s George Michael thrown in for good measure. It happened, of all places, in a small village bistro in the south of France.
I could never have guessed that I would be spending my 49th birthday week reliving moments of my early youth over a plate of oozie camembert with this 16 year old son of mine at a place called Chez Vous. Ain’t no mountain high enough to have seen this moment coming.
I recently scrolled past this quote: “The best gift you can give yourself at 50 is sunscreen at 20” and I thought “Shame, if only the Internet were around in 1990 to tell me that.”
Though it made me chuckle and the advice is sound, the 49 year old you knows what the 20 year old you could never have guessed. Laugh lines, yes. Folding like an accordion around the middle, oh baby. But sunscreen guilt and the larger troublemaker called self-loathing loses some of it’s power when you’ve had a couple more decades of encounters with real beauty in others and even yourself.
We figure out that though our bodies may not be built to last, there’s reason to be bullish about the rest. And so the chatter of appearance quiets down while the chatter of presence starts to heat up. At 49 now instead of never leaving the house without mascara, you can’t leave the house without a green smoothie and quiet meditation. And while you still notice and appreciate the gorgeous eyes that could grace a magazine cover, you are more taken with the ones brave enough to open up a window to their soul.
At 20 we rightly predicted the shape if not the details of much of the hard that lay ahead — wrinkles, work instabilities, friends divorcing, friends getting cancer, kids struggling, parents ageing, and so much more —but our imaginations grossly undershot all the moments of joy and laughter and wonder and connection on offer. We learn that real beauty isn’t cultivated in the salon or gym but intertwined with the the company you keep. And we learn that moments of wonder can’t be earned, bought, saved, traveled to or housed in a church building, only embraced.
I long ago wrote down this quote in my journal because it seemed worth remembering. It’s a gift for any age and any time, even a time such as this: “The world as we find it is neither a guarantee of happiness nor a condemnation to despair.” Though conditions might be unfavorable, a river of peace is always running through it. Sing it, Marvin.
With my arms open wide,
I threw away my pride
I'll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life for you
I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need
And when I lose my will
You'll be there to push me up the hill
There's no, no looking back for us
We got love sure 'nough, that's enough
You're all, You're all I need to get by.